I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
