yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
