matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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