I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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