Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
