Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
