She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
