the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
