I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
