We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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