there's paper in my vomit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
