Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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