I wanna passion pit in your ass
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
