All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
