I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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