Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
