If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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