That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
