so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
