I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
