hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
