I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
