im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
