goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
