did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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