Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
