your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
