Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
