wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
