I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
