A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
