dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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