Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
