Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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