i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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