I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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