Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
