was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
