I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
