my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
