my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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