I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
