i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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