i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
