If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
