I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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