i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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