I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
