Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
