We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
