I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
