why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
