We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
