This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
