seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
