white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
