Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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