I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
