The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
