I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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