Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
