Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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