if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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