he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
