i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
