Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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