There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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