I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
