I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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