what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize