You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
