so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
