mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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