youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
