I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
