if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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