He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
