can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
