Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
