I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
