I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
