I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
