dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
