her vagine was all disorganized.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
