I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
